Last year in September, my husband and I were ecstatic to find out that we were going to be parents for the first time.
In our excitement, we hastily began telling family and friends.
However, it was not long after that our excitement was suddenly extinguished.
I began experiencing some issues that led me to believe that things may not be progressing as planned.
Being hopeful, I made my first prenatal appointment.
With my husband by my side and with our hands firmly entwined, we whispered a silent prayer as the technician began administering the ultrasound.
We’d expect to see an embryo and to hear our little one’s heartbeat, but instead the ultrasound had revealed the opposite — the baby had died.
Later blood tests had confirmed the inevitable; I had miscarried.
It was as if someone had knocked the wind out of me.
Lying in bed, soaked in sorrow and disappointment, I was overwhelmed with how alone and empty I felt.
I remember lying there listening to the sounds of business-as-usual outside my window. I was so angry.
Didn’t they know I was hurting? I wanted the world to stop and grieve with me.
I wanted empathy, when at best, all that could be offered was sympathy.
It was at that moment that I realized I had a choice to make.
I could lie there and wallow in grief and self-pity or I could start the process of healing. I chose to be healed.
I realized that there was nowhere to go in despair except down.
In choosing healing, I realized what a precious gift God had given me.
If only for a short while, God had granted me the privilege of carrying a life inside of me. I was humbled and so grateful.
I made up in my mind that moment that if I never received the opportunity to bring a life into this world again, I had already been given the blessing of being chosen at least once.
As many are still mourning the loss of beloved fellow student Leighton Williams, I share with you this insight from Paul Deschenes, director of Union’s counseling services.
“Go ahead and grieve,” Deschenes said. “Crying and weeping are healthy. Talk about how you feel with family and friends. Then take a break. Go out and have some fun, and don’t feel guilty.”
Deschenes’ recommendation lets us know that it is OK to feel whatever it is that we’re feeling, but it also gives us permission to move forward.
In effort to move forward, here are some tips provided by Bruce Atkinson, author of “A Time to Mourn.”
- Share your suffering, and do not go through it alone (even though the desire may be to isolate yourself or withdraw).
- Share mourning rituals that honor and memorialize the person lost.
- Consider attending a support group.
- Write your thoughts in a journal.
- Exercise, sleep, drink plenty of fluids, and eat a well-balanced diet.
- Pamper yourself. Be gentle with yourself.
Whether we personally knew Williams or not, she was a part of our Union family, and the heartache felt around this campus belongs to us all.
However, I am a living witness that there is healing and hope in moving forward, as once again my husband and I are expecting the birth of our first child.
