In romantic relationships, the word “chemistry” is often used to describe mutual romantic attraction, but the ambiguity of that naming creates more questions than answers.
Nina Heckler, assistant professor of sociology and department chairwoman, said some core components to chemistry are mutual trust, mutual respect and having God at the center of that relationship.
“There’s a chemical reaction in our brain that makes us attracted to someone. That’s the initial chemistry we feel for someone,” Heckler said.
“A lot of people want to say it’s just physical attraction and that’s fleeting,” Heckler said.
David Vickery, professor of psychology, said that neuroscience is the field that explores the brain and its chemistry.
“If you really are starting to feel attracted to someone and get a little tingly and get butterflies, what you’re releasing is dopamine,” Vickery said. “When you’re falling in love, you’re releasing extreme levels of dopamine and norepinephrine.”
Dopamine is a chemical that incites high levels of pleasure and norepinephrine is a chemical that increases energy and attention. When these chemicals combine in reaction to attraction, the effect is heightened focus and emotion for the other person.
“Basically, in those initial weeks of being with someone, you’re just on a high,” said Vickery. “Also, when you do new things on top of being with the new person that increases the release of those chemicals to the neurotransmitters.That initial attraction is a very addictive, powerful, feel-good, energizing thing.”
Vickery said the body builds up a tolerance for dopamine and norepinephrine over time.
“If you stay with someone, inevitably that chemistry wears off in about four years,” Vickery said. “That chemistry is replaced by endorphins.”
Endorphins are the chemical the body releases that makes it feel secure, peaceful and soothed.
Vickery said neuroplasticity is a theory about the brain rewiring itself based on experiences and is a key factor in long lasting chemistry.
“You begin to wire your brain in such a positive way that you begin to wire your brains to line up with each other,” Vickery said.
Heckler said external factors influence the longevity of chemistry.
“What research shows is that although opposites attract, opposites usually don’t make for a long-term relationship,” Heckler said.
Heckler said the more similar people’s are, the greater the chances are that the relationship will work. She also said that vulnerability is key in a healthy relationship.
“To have mutual trust and respect with one another, you have to come to the relationship with a sense of trust and respect,” Heckler said. “You have to realize that the process of loving someone is all about being open and honest with one another.”
Beth Koffman, events and community relations coordinator at West Tennessee Healthcare Foundation, said that mutual trust and connection is essential for chemistry.
“Having some commonality is really what will hold a couple together,” Koffman said. “Physical attraction is great, but there needs to be deeper connections for that to last.”
“What I thought made up attraction when I was college age is very different from what I think of now,” Koffman said. “I’ve been married for 16 years and I am more attracted to my husband now than when I first started dating him.”
Koffman echoed Heckler and said opposites in personality can work on some level, but similar backgrounds help hold the relationship together.
“You have to have trust, mutual goals in life, a common ideology, common theology and common parenting ideals,” Koffman said. “To me, that’s what holds it all together.”