Andy Neely, pastor of West Jackson Baptist Church, and his wife Ellen hosted this year’s Crabtree Family Life Series on Feb. 14 and 16. Their theme: God has to be priority before entering into healthy dating.
“You were made for more than just dating, you were made for God’s glory,” Mr. Neely said. “You weren’t created for someone else, you were created for God. Part of our issues with marriage is that we go into it with the wrong mindset, a fairytale mindset. That’s not real life; real life is not dating.”
“As men, we are called to lead,” he said, instructing the young men in the room during session one. “We don’t toy with their emotions. Your intentions should not be a guessing game. Don’t make them pursue you to boost your ego. Guard your words, calculate them to build her up. Make the bar high.”
“This is good. Guys write this down,” Mrs. Neely said right in the middle of her story about her and Andy’s first Valentine’s Day together. She told the story in a way that commanded the room, between the laughs and her incredible candor about their dating relationship. She looked over at him with a look of adoration, a look that implied he could do no wrong in her eyes, although she’s the first to admit that neither of them are perfect, contrary to what she believed while they were dating.
At the onset of session two, she began with instruction to the girls: “Love is serving, we love, not for what he can do for us, but what we can do for that other person.”
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“The topic of relationships is always awkward to some extent, especially among college students and a room of mixed genders, but it was less awkward because it was a larger group and because it really related to our spiritual lives and not just our physical ones,” said freshman theology major, Melanie Nassif.
“A lot of chapels focus on your spiritual walk and relationship with God, but this one focused on your relationships with other people, and that was a really cool aspect,” Nassif said.
During session two, they focused on the fruits of the spirit, which can be found in Galatians 5:22-23.
“We need the fruits of the spirit in order to become who we need to be for marriage,” Mr. Neely said. “Self-control is the ability to choose the important instead of the immediate. Self-control begins with understanding that you’re not as strong as you think you are… you’re not going to have self-control one day if you don’t have it now.”
Mrs. Neely continued by talking about joy.
“I want joy to be one of the words that defines me,” she said. “We need to find delight in the Lord, not letting circumstances or people determine our joyfulness; God determines our worth, we shouldn’t depend on others to give us our hope.”
The big picture: Love isn’t an intense feeling, you don’t get married because you’re in love. We can’t focus on finding the “right person” because there isn’t one; instead, we need to focus on becoming the right person, a person who will one day be ready to commit their life to another person in marriage.
“Don’t let these years pass you by without realizing who you’re becoming,” Mr. Neely said.
Photo credit: Janelle Vest
