Vanilla and lavender mix through the cool air of my dorm room. The clock strikes 3 o’clock in the morning and no one’s awake.
Well, except me.
All my life I’ve struggled with anxiety. It’s been around as long as I can remember and I think it’s here to stay.
I’ve learned to live with anxiety. When you deal with something for so long, you eventually stop fighting it and let it coexist, at least that’s how it works with me.
Nighttime is often the worst part of the day for my anxiety. I replay all the dumb stuff I did that day, or over a select period of time. I’ll think about how I’m alone, or how people “hate me,” and a bunch of other lies that I tell myself. It’s quite tiring, but my brain will talk me to death if I let it.
Music was the solution to that.
The type of music that helps me with anxiety often changes, but the songs that have worked for me the most are songs I grew up on. The feeling of familiarity helps me not feel so alone and unsure of everything. I went ahead and listed most of the songs that help me, in hopes that they might help other people, but I’ll point out a few that are particularly effective for me.
Growing up, my parents would take us to vacation in Colorado. Every single time we passed the Colorado border, we played John Denver. He’s one of those artists my mom listened to all the time. His voice is soothing and brings back good memories. Who doesn’t love John Denver?
Now, every single time I’m awake at three a.m., I listen to the song “3 AM” by Matchbox 20. My dad strongly dislikes the band, but I think they’re great. I unashamedly listen to them. I would recommend them if you’re into late ‘90’s early ‘00’s rock.
Anything Jim Croce relaxes me. I honestly just love his voice, sound, everything. “Operator” is especially good. “I Got a Name” is nice as well.
Anxiety for me has always been, and probably will be, an uphill battle. Some days are really hard, but other days are good. I just take one day at a time and see how it goes. I’ve learned to appreciate the small victories—Like writing for Cardinal and Cream. I may not ever shake anxiety, but I don’t have to let it beat me.
