The following is a conversation that may be uncomfortable for some people but shows the heart and struggle of Justice Walker as a minority student at a predominately white institution. Please see it as an attempt (albeit an attempt by two imperfect, sinful people) to provide the kind of space necessary for personal and corporate lament over the state of race relations in our country and on our campus. Any attempt to make this conversation into a narrative piece would have been an injustice to his insight.
Justice: “So what do you want to know about me?”
Seth: “That’s a good question.”
*Both of us start laughing*
Seth: “They put you on the budget and I just happened to be the guy to take it. I was like ‘I have no idea what this angle is going to be so I’m just going to talk to him.’”
*Justice laughs*
Justice: “I mean that’s all you can ask for really. All I can give you is to talk to you.”
Seth: “We’re just going to kick it man.”
Justice: “Hey that’s good. I don’t know if you’re getting paid for this but if you are, you’re getting paid to kick it with your boy. What more could you want?”
*Justice points to his car because I clearly don’t know which car we are walking to yet*
Justice: “There I am. Silver Honda. It’s small, I’m big, but we make it work.”
Seth: “So did any of the intercultural people talk to you about the um… what was it? It was a class that they’re doing right now with Lane.”
Justice: “Oh, Race and Reconciliation. I took the class. I took the first class. They came up to me with this idea of holding a joint class between Union and Lane and I was like ‘Oh that’s lit.’ I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. No one did honestly. To see not just from a race stand point but as a school; [at] Union, you got to raise your hand, but Lane is like ‘I got something to say so I’m going to say it.’ It wasn’t just a culture shock by race but by how two schools do things. It was a tough class. You talk about hard stuff man. You talk about, like, history of race in America.”
Seth: “It gets real.”
Justice: “It gets real, real fast. I kid you not, our second class section, we went to to the Civil Rights Museum together.”
Seth: “Boy.”
*We get back into his car and drive to campus*
Justice: “It was a toughie. They wanted you to talk about it as soon as you get done and you’re like ‘Wow I don’t know what I’m feeling, let alone what to say.’ It wrecks you man, but it’s a good class.”
Seth: “So what has Union been like for you as a black student?”
Justice: “My thing’s weird because I come from a small rural town in west Tennessee. So the whole ‘being the only black kid anywhere’ thing was already a thing. For me, the culture shock was that private schools get down way different than public schools do.”
Seth: “Yeahhh.”
Justice: “So I’d have buddies and I’d have to go to like Lane or something like that to hang out or kick it because nobody hung out like I hung out. I had a buddy down in Ole Miss and I’d drive down there because nobody kicked it like we kicked it. That and probably the hardest thing is that a lot of the people I know have dealt with race issues. You know what I’m saying? I’ve got buddies that’ll probably never come back here because of the way they were treated. I’ve got friends now who are like ‘I can’t go back there. It was like a traumatic experience.’”
Seth: “That’s crazy.”
Justice: “Right. So how do you stand up for those people? Probably the hardest day was after the election in 2016. To see people that I know heartbroken and not knowing what the world is going to look like after this. Then you got people celebrating like they just won the Super Bowl or something. Like this is like the biggest victory in their life or something.”
Seth: “Some people crying tears of joy.”
Justice: “Right, like this is like two Americas, you know what I mean? Having to deal with that and then like people who fake say they care. That’s probably the most frustrating. You care but you won’t come to anything or encounter other cultures of different people. I mean fam that’s the move, that’s what you’re supposed to do but they’re like ‘nah I’m going to stay right here and chill’ but you’re defeating the purpose bro.”
Seth: “Yeah I get that.”
Justice: “I know people who say they care about it or say it’s important to them but they won’t talk about it, they won’t speak out against it. It’s like a segmented reality for them. Stuff is happening but you don’t see it because you’re not affected by it. It’s hard when you want people to understand but very few people who are going to say ‘Your story is valid. Let me listen to it.’ It took me a while to talk but when I started to talk, I talk so loud that somebody is going to listen. That’s how I live: I’m going to say enough that somebody is going to have to hear me and after that, I can only pray for the best.”
Seth: “I’m curious, what kind of stuff was going on that was making people’s experience traumatic? If you can tell me that but if you can’t, I get it.”
Justice: “I can’t say any names.”
Seth: “Yeah, that’s totally fine.”
Justice: “I had a buddy who graduated. He was kicking it in the Lex. This is when Yik Yak was real popular. It was him and some basketball players and they were singing and talking or whatever. Somebody put on Yik Yak that ‘if these N-words, or something, in the Lex don’t stop singing I’m going to da da da da.’ He sees it, and it’s only him and some other guys in there. So he confronts them about it and nobody’s fessin’ up to anything. He said he realized at that point that everyone here is fake and everybody has beef. It wrecked his whole experience here.”
Seth: “Geez man.”
Justice: “People go through that and you hear stuff about different organizations saying the N-word or things like that and there isn’t anybody throwing that this way but it sucks that it’s happening to you. Even with professors, like, if there’s an Asian professor and somebody makes fun of his accent. Then when someone says something they’re like ‘Wow, wow I’m just joking’ but it’s not funny.”
Seth: “Yeah, that’s not what you joke about, man.”
Justice: “That’s right. People just have to be careful.”
Seth: “I remember back home we used to jaw back and forth at each other. If we were racing or something and someone would make fun of somebody else for having ‘slave feet’ or something like that, I only joked about it when they were. There’s a lot of people here that’ll say something off and I’ll just look at them like ‘You grew up with like one black friend bro, calm down. Even I’m not that bold and I grew up the only white kid in my neighborhood.’ You’re talking about people sharing stories; what gets me are people who aren’t affected by this stuff but their friend is. Then when their friend comes to them and the person will tell them that they’re just being sensitive. I don’t get that.”
Justice: “It’s one of those things where people think because they haven’t experienced it, there’s no way it can be true. It can’t be as bad as you say it is. If you continually push someone or nudge their shoulder or whatever and it happens over and over to this one person, it’s like the straw that broke the camel’s back. They have an outburst and you think it’s an isolated event, but you don’t see all the build up that’s happened to this point. Things happen and some point you just feel it and you can’t contain it, so you say something. Then you’re the angry black person.”
Seth: “So where’s the bright spot man?”
Justice: “There’s a lot of bright spots. We’re working on getting better. Honestly, things still happen, but people are working towards making it better. There’s this big overarching umbrella of what Union is and what it stands for. There are people under that umbrella who are for the culture to the fullest. People you wouldn’t expect. You see things are getting done and it makes you optimistic for five or ten years down the road. Kids are going to go through here, and their experience won’t be like the one I’ve had. They need to know they have people they can go to.”
Seth: “That makes sense.”
Justice: “Nowadays people don’t know who they can go to. Another bright spot is that I got to be in this RA role and I got to speak for people who otherwise wouldn’t get heard. I talk to the higher-ups and they listen. It’s my responsibility to tell them what’s going on with their students. I tell them straight up that these minority students don’t have enough resources or that, like, sexual assault happens way more than people realize. If you’re higher up, you don’t really think about it because no one is coming and telling you about it. But if you just say ‘Hey look, this exists’ just look at how much more Title IX stuff we’ve had compared to last year. Once they realize that it’s important, they make steps.”
Seth: “Get it moving.”
Justice: “Yeah. Having somebody there who will say that we need to keep this conversation going and the only way we get better is to confront the prejudice that we all have. All of us, you know what I’m saying? Whether you’re in tune with it or not, we’ve all got something. We’re sinful people, we’re fallen people. It’s a result of the fall. But we’re supposed to repent of it. People are a lot more willing to talk now than they have been. There are people in high positions who are ready to have these conversations. It’s going to happen before long.”
Seth: “There you go, man. Making waves.”
Justice: “Got to.”
Seth: “So, how is it going finishing school finally?”
Justice: “Finishing is weird. I don’t think people prepare you for that. The closing of the chapter and all that. Now it’s like, I’m ready to leave but it’s going to hurt to leave. What is next year going to look like? I won’t be living in the dorms again. It’s a thing when this is your last first time doing something, right? Well, this is my last first time like registering for classes or last first time going to Cobo and I don’t even like Cobo like that. It’s weird. This place has become like home. Since fall of my true junior year, I’ve been to my hometown no more than two weeks at a time.”
Seth: “Oh hey, we’ve got a tornado warning.”
Justice: “No way!”
Seth: “Yep.”
*Justice begins making phone calls and we each go our separate ways*
Photo by Mattanah DeWitt