Ted Kluck
Abstract
Editor’s Note: portions of the paper below will be presented at a forthcoming American Association of Die Hard Studies – henceforth AADHS – Conference, immediately after I officially form the AADHS.
Die Hard, released in 1988 and directed by John McTiernan, holds the dual distinction of being both the greatest action movie of all time, as well as the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Below are reflections on the linguistic impact of Die Hard, the film’s impact on the family and the film’s impact on Christmas.
Die Hard Has Worked Its Way Into My Family’s Daily Vernacular
There is a Die Hard quote for every occasion. To wit:
When your friend gets a new suit: “Nice suit…I have two myself,” which is what Hans said in the elevator when he was totally showing off to Joseph Takagi about his suits.
When you’re in a social context and somebody does a voice: “Nice accent. You ought to be on (redacted) TV with that accent,” which is what John McClane said to Hans when Hans was pretending to be Clay…Bill…Clay.
At the grocery store: “Bag it. Big time,” which was uttered by the convenience store guy with the walrus mustache, who was one of my favorite non-essential Die Hard characters.
When welcoming someone to a party: “Welcome to the party, Pal.”
When traveling to either coast: “Come out to the coast, have some laughs.”
When I’m trying to encourage my wife, especially in some parenting issue: “I love ya…the guys love ya,” which is what Sgt. Al Powell said when McClane was feeling really discouraged about the fact that he was picking shards of glass out of his feet in a dark bathroom.
When I’m celebrating or lamenting or rolling-my-eyes-at some aspect of my own children’s classical education: “Benefits of a classical education,” which was said by Hans Gruber when he had to prove that he was the smartest guy in the room by talking about how Alexander wept because he had no more worlds to conquer. Hans had a lot of suit-and-intellect-related insecurities.
When sharing a bit of news you just discovered: “I read about it in Time Magazine.”
Me, never: “Hey babe, I negotiate million-dollar deals for breakfast,” said by low-key my favorite character, Harry Ellis.
When someone mistakenly says that Helsinki is in Sweden: “Finland.”
When describing your perfect wintertime evening to your wife or significant other: “Baked brie…crackling fire,” which is how Harry Ellis described a perfect date, when he was asking out Holly Gennaro (she declined).
When entering a hotel room with plush carpeting: “Fists with your toes,” which was the suggestion that the guy on the plane gave to McClane when observing that he (McClane) clearly hated flying.
When encountering a cute toy of any kind: “Cute toy,” which McClane said when trying to figure out the elaborate employee directory at the Nakatomi building.
When talking about Christmas: “It’s Christmas, Theo, the season of miracles,” said Hans (the main bad guy) to Theo (another bad guy) shortly before killing some people.
Die Hard is a Family Movie
The whole premise of Die Hard revolves around a man protecting his wife, restoring his marriage, and saving his family. Typically, that happens in the context of repentance and reconciliation…though in this circumstance it happened in the context of one man singlehandedly killing dozens of terrorists at his wife’s place of business.
Die Hard is a Christmas Movie
Die Hard is full of Christmas imagery, inasmuch as the whole thing takes place at the Nakatomi Corporation’s Christmas party which, weirdly, takes place on Christmas Eve. I mean, what company that values work/life balance would drag its employees into work on Christmas Eve? That said, it looked like a really lovely party until (spoilers, but it’s been 30 years) Hans Gruber shows up, kills the CEO, and takes the building hostage.
Regarding Christmas imagery: There’s an assortment of lights and many Christmas trees in multiple locations in this film…including, but not limited to the lobby of the Nakatomi building, the main atrium where the party is taking place, Takagi’s office, Holly Gennaro’s house, the convenience store and even the dispatch office where John McClane calls 911 and indicates that he is not, in fact, ordering a pizza.
Regarding Christmas music: It’s playing often, in the background of a lot of different scenes, but it’s probably my favorite when Sgt. Al Powell sings Christmas songs while driving.
Caleb Morgan
“Die Hard” is a Christmas movie. I thought about starting this essay off with some cryptic, “What REALLY makes a movie a Christmas movie” mumbo jumbo, real self-reflecting, soul-searching stuff. Then I would slowly reveal that “Die Hard” is, in fact, a Christmas movie. It would have been a drawn out and dramatic reveal, the kind that would leave the reader’s face painted with the same shock and awe that John McClane has when Gruber reveals that his accent was fake. I really could have milked it, not letting the audience know which side I was on, revealing an internal struggle of the highest caliber.
But it isn’t a struggle, I didn’t drag out the reveal and “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie.
To prove that it is to you, I’m going to take the time and compare classic Christmas movies with “Die Hard” (so you don’t have to), and use these comparisons to make my point.
“It’s A Wonderful Life”
“It’s A Wonderful Life” is a Christmas classic. Jimmy Stuart, angels, jumping off a bridge; you know, real family friendly stuff. The truth is, “It’s A Wonderful Life” is the story of an alcoholic who is saved from throwing his body off a bridge by an angel who then shows him a world where the man didn’t exist. Who says a Christmas movie can’t be dark? Sure, maybe a few more people die in “Die Hard” (I mean it is in the name,) but for people who argue that an R-Rated action movie doesn’t qualify as milk and cookies fare, this proves that someone throwing themselves off something high does count as Christmas-y enough.
“Home Alone”
Since I’m already making bold claims, I’ll go ahead and say another: “Home Alone” is a kid friendly “Die Hard.” Hear me out. (1) Man/boy is trapped in a large building being broken into and must protect it, (2) Man/boy must use only what he finds around said building to protect themselves, (3) plot is set into action because of Christmas. The last point is key.
In a lot of arguments against “Die Hard,” it is said that it can’t be a Christmas film because the story could take place in any setting, therefor revoking it of any holiday spirit. Yet, if John McClane hadn’t been traveling home to see his estranged wife at the holiday party (in fact, without Christmas, there would be no holiday party for Gruber and co. to take hostage at), there would be no story. Just a vaguely foreign villain killing a bunch of people (or even worse, showing up to an empty skyscraper in Downtown LA).
“A Christmas Story”
I’m sure you’re thinking, “How in the world are ‘A Christmas Story’ and ‘Die Hard’ similar. Even if someone fully believes that ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas movie, how mentally unhinged must one be to find commonalities between Ralphie and McClane?”
Here’s how:
Both Ralphie and John McClane are, at their core, everyday men dealing with the struggles of Christmas, albeit in extreme ways. In “A Christmas Story” Ralphie narrates his own childhood tales of everyday occurrences leading up to Christmas day, from fist fights in the snow to the struggle of determining what you want for Christmas. At its heart, it’s relatable.
In the same way, John McClane is really just a family man trying to make it home and reunite his family for the holidays. He finds that, while Christmas is supposed to be a less stressful time of year, it often proves to be the most strenuous.
Whether you’re struggling with an unwanted gift from your aunt (“A Christmas Story”) or dealing with the woes of an uninvited Christmas guest (“Die Hard”), there is no denying that Christmas movies are those that heighten the stakes of familiarity that we all struggle with during the holidays.
Any “Hallmark Movie”
Starting in October, the Hallmark Channel begins rolling out countless Holiday themed films in their ongoing efforts to create a year-round, post-apocalyptic winter wonderland. With such Dickensian names as, “It’s Christmas, Carol,” “A Shoe Addict’s Christmas,” “Sense, Sensibility, and Snowmen” and “A Gingerbread Romance,” Hallmark is able to crank out these cookie cutter Christmas flicks at an alarming rate, and with the same production quality as the video your grandma accidently took of her own face when she thought she was recording your cousin’s dance recital.
If these low budget “momploitation” films count as Christmas films, then why can’t a high quality, critically acclaimed, widely beloved piece of 80’s cinema also count as a feelgood holiday classic? Holiday films are made as an escape, and both “Die Hard” and “Romance at Reindeer Lodge” both encapsulate that feel good Christmas spirit.
I rest my case.
Say what you will, but on Christmas Eve, when most of my family goes to bed, and my dad, my brother and I sit in the living room under a single, dim lamp and watch “Die Hard” in all of its explosive glory; that is the closest I get to experiencing the same Christmas joy I felt when watching the Grinch and Charlie Brown back in the day. If “Die Hard” is able to replicate that holiday nostalgia in any way, then who are we to say it isn’t a Christmas movie?
The evidence is overwhelming. “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie. You have to accept it.
“Welcome to the party, pal.”