“I just want you to know what you’re getting into.”
I could’ve taken my friend’s warning more seriously as I informed her of my task to become acquainted with “The Bachelor.” Instead, I leaped wholeheartedly into the current season’s Wikipedia page, fully embracing all of its tea, before sitting down with my roommates to witness the most recent two episodes.
If you’re not familiar with the show’s concept, or its counterpart, “The Bachelorette,” one of the previous season’s losers is chosen to date an assortment of potential suitors for the purpose of finding his or her spouse.
I jumped in just in time to see the man of the hour visit the families of the four remaining women. I wanted to meet the people who go to sleep at night thinking yes, that IS my daughter on national television…being pitted against other people’s daughters…in a March Madness style competition designed for the sole purpose of winning a young man’s heart…who just spent the last few weeks putting his face on everyone else’s daughters.
This season, that young man is Peter Weber. He’s of medium height and build, and can always be seen with neatly trimmed facial hair and a cool shirt. He puts forth the embodiment of the word safe with utmost confidence. Pay no attention to the scar on his forehead; the storms of his past are behind him. (He hit his head on a golf cart a while back).
Peter first meets the families of Hannah Ann, Kelsey and Madison, all of whom have several wide-eyed sisters, a mother struggling to hide how much she’s enjoying the cameras and a well-decorated Disney Channel house. Then there’s the dad. He coaches your local middle school’s basketball team, and he is not here to put up with any potential nonsense. After a fun dinner and some quick entry level instruction from Coach Dad, Peter is ready to tell his lover that she is in fact one of the several people that he truly loves.
Then we meet Victoria. We don’t get to see Peter meet her family as a result of a falling out that takes place in Victoria’s front yard. You see, she brings a game of emotional roulette to the table, aka Peter’s kryptonite.
It’s at this point that I start to believe Victoria will be the last maiden standing at the end. Apparently, the two’s relationship has been a rollercoaster for some time, and yet she’s still here. Some people prefer to marry a person who provides a lack of conflict, and I’m certainly not going to trash that, but Peter and Victoria have faced trials together. They’ve experienced legitimate growth, maybe.
Peter discovers a roadblock with Madison as well, but in this case it appears as if their arc is coming to a close. Someone forgot to tell Madison that she’s on “The Bachelor,” not “The Bachelorette,” but if we’re being honest, she should be applauded for her dedication to her morals and for holding Peter to a high standard. That’s the tea we need more of.
Frankly, I’m not sure why Madison agreed to be on the show in the first place or what she expected to happen, but she’s a bright spot in an otherwise rather disheartening practice that glorifies intimacy as mere activity.
I am of course a man writing this, and therefore I can’t speak on the behalf of women, nor do I desire to. But I do beg of you, please hold us as men to a high standard. And to my brothers, yes, we’re going to fall massively short of perfection–I often do–but we must keep aiming to do better.
All that being said, Peter still has a choice to make, and I’d be lying if I tried to make you think that I’m not gonna hop right back on the couch with my roommates next week, fully engrossed as Peter decides who will get to hug his cool shirts in future Instagram posts.
Assuming Madison holds herself to her word, and I sincerely hope that she does, Peter can either choose Hannah Ann and live in a Disney Channel house with several daughters all while coaching his own middle school basketball team some day, or he can stay on the rollercoaster with Victoria and go wherever that may lead. What a time to be alive.
Graphic by Maggie Exum