There’s probably only one thing that makes me more uncomfortable than death, and that would be talking about it.
As I sat outside the Logos, rapidly clicking the lead out of my mechanical pencil and shoving it back in with my thumb, I wondered if this would be one of those conversations. You know, the ones where you can practically taste the awkwardness floating in the air. Where every topic of conversation is like a competition of how long you can keep talking before the silence takes over again.
“Caroline?”
I was so lost in my thoughts, clicking my pencil over and over, that I practically jumped when the girls I was waiting to meet waved and walked over to my table.
You know when people just look friendly? That naturally smiley, could maybe have an interesting conversation with a wall kind of personality? Emma Butler and Megan Calhoun are like that.
As soon as they sat down, I already felt better. We talked about school, classes, the now go-to conversation starter that is COVID-19, but I was still anxious, clicking my pencil again and again. How do you ask someone you just met to tell you about the most personal and painful moments of their life?
Thankfully, these two were more than capable of crossing that bridge.
“Of course, it’s personal,” Emma said. “But it’s not something that we’re not willing to share.”
She jumped right in, disclosing that after her father died of cancer in August 2019, she took off a semester of school. When she returned, her therapist advised her to join a GriefShare group in Jackson, but it wasn’t as helpful as she had hoped.
“I was the youngest by about 30 years,” Emma said. “It was almost even more isolating in a way, because it showed that the loss that I had experienced was not normal.” She paused. “There had to be something involving students.”
Around that same time, Megan said she reached out to Emma after seeing an Instagram post about her father. She had lost her mother to various illnesses a few years before, so she wanted to let Emma know she was there for her and had experienced a similar loss.
“I was kind of scared at first,” said Megan. “I didn’t know Emma super well, but one of my friends encouraged me to contact her.”
A good thing, too, because the two instantly hit it off.
“I think our first Cobo dinner was probably two hours long,” said Emma, laughing.
“It just felt nice to be able to relate to someone,” Megan added. “And then we thought, ‘What if we did this for everybody?’”
As the two shared their stories over time, they started making connections of just how many people have experienced a loss like theirs on campus.
“It’s hard to know. People just don’t talk about it,” said Emma.
I clicked my pencil again. I could understand that.
Soon after, Emma said she reached out to Zane Lancaster—her “roommate’s boyfriend’s roommate.” He was someone they heard had also experienced the loss of a parent.
“So, you three didn’t know each other at all before you started forming the group?” I asked.
“Yeah, it really brought us all together,” Megan replied. “We’re a squad now.” The two looked at each other and laughed.
I finally put my pencil down and laughed along with them.
According to Emma, the group, which had its first meeting this past Thursday night, seeks to implement two different ways of dealing with grief. The first will deal with processing the various pains and fears of loss in a safe environment, while the second will address educational learning opportunities.
“We’re going to take time to focus on our losses, be real about what the grieving process is like and give people the opportunity to be vulnerable and speak,” Emma said. “But, we also want to back it up with Scripture and ways that we can grow today in this meeting. Basically, what can we learn about God’s character from what we’re going through?”
“Exactly,” Megan chimed in. “When we’re having those rough days, we don’t always want to hear that ‘God’s still using this,’ but it’s not just some random person telling you that it’s going to better soon, it’s a person that’s been through the same things you have, and they’re saying, ‘This is what I have leaned on, this is what the Lord has taught me, and I want to share it with you.’”
Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one is welcome to join the Grief Group, although there will be a cut-off point so that new additions won’t force members to reshare their story every meeting. They will meet once every other week for one and a half hours and will employ strict confidentiality amongst the members to make sure the information shared stays within the group.
“I want it to be as comforting and safe of a space as possible,” said Emma, putting her hand to her heart. “I don’t want it to be the slightest bit intimidating, and I’m excited for it to help me and my grief process as well. We’re all in the same boat.”
“Definitely,” Megan added. “And using our experiences to help others, that’s what this group is all about.”
