I sunk into a soft couch cushion, sipping a black coffee, and watching a catfish swirl around in its tank. The soft warm light of late afternoon illuminated a small but neatly arranged apartment-style dorm covered with plants, photographs, and all manner of items that give this home the personality of its inhabitants: Charlie and Lauren Brinkley. Taking it all in from their couch I was struck by how truly welcoming their home felt despite how chaotic their lives are.
“To say that we threw ourselves into it I think is true, and that’s how we always approach things that we do just naturally,” Charlie said nursing his own black coffee across from me. Charlie and Lauren got married last year and were immediately faced with a mountain of responsibilities with both of them pursuing their masters in social work while pouring back into Union as a resident advisor and sports graduate assistant respectively.
On top of that they both work full time, Charlie as a mobile crisis responder at night, and Lauren in hospice during the day.
“It is a lot and I am ready to not have as much but I really like having everything too. We made it work, there wasn’t really an option but I can push forward,” Lauren said, adding to Charlie’s statements as is normal for their flow of conversation.
Their plates are more than full, taking on roles that demand their full emotional investment as is required in social work. “It’s weird, there’s not really a designated end to this,” said Charlie. His wife nodded.
“Like your mind doesn’t turn off – you can’t just sit on the couch and your body is done,” Lauren finished.
Working in crisis response, Charlie is often on the front lines of people’s intense emotional or physical trauma. He’s walking a thin line and for him, it can feel like one wrong move can have catastrophic implications in his patients’ lives.
Our conversation had mostly felt light, but here it turned more serious. Charlie spoke of the darkness he faced every day. People struggling with suicide, psychosis, and even homicidal thoughts, people that need Charlie.
“It’s a really challenging job that has really nailed down for me that everyone is different,” he said. “ I have to value every person I talk to, and that has been a really good thing that I’m learning right now.”
Their jobs are intense on their own, without the additional challenges posed by graduate school, their positions on campus, and the task of navigating a new marriage among all of the chaos. Intentionality is a word that continues to come to mind when reflecting back on who Charlie and Lauren are –they don’t expect it all to work out on its own but put effort into their marriage, work, and relationships.
“I think another reason why it works is like when I imagined being married I did not imagine selling concessions and tickets at games,” Lauren said, “But when I have a game Charlie comes and will sit with me, and we’ll have time together then, and when Charlie has to drive an hour and a half to work I’ll ride with him and we’ll talk in the car. So we had to change our expectations.”
There’s a maturity to their mindset towards life that disregards the rose-tinted glasses that many would put on when thinking about marriage. They know that optimism alone won’t be enough and carve out time for each other, leaning on each other to get through it all.
“A lot of people would have ditched us because of our minimal availability,” Lauren said, talking about how her friends at Union have rallied behind her. “I tell them the only night I can commit to is Sunday night for an hour and on Sunday nights we hang out and we do it.”
They have truly wonderful friends but they are also the rare kind of people who can make an impact on people in a very short amount of time. Charlie and Lauren make every second, and every interaction count, and their impact is felt by students at Union.
One such student, Noah Phillips a junior social work major and resident of Charlie’s spoke to me about the impact Charlie has had in his life. “Charlie was a friend to me from the beginning. Charlie was actually the one who introduced me to social work and convinced me to switch,” said Phillips, elaborating on how Charlie and Lauren are always ready and willing to talk to and encourage him. “They’ve taken the time to open their home and make a safe place for us if we need it.”
At their core, Charlie and Lauren are people-oriented. Throughout our conversation, they always pointed back to the innate human need to bond with one another, and their relationship is a reflection of that idea put into practice every day.
“I think if I was trying to do all of these things minus marriage and was living on my own or with roommates I don’t know if I could do it,” Charlie said, our coffee cups nearly empty, the last embers of light leaking through their window. “I don’t have enough strength within me to do it by myself. We’re engineered and we have to live in community to thrive and to live in the way God has designed us to live.”
