The Sunday before spring break, I was sitting in my living room with several friends who came over for a homemade meal, and I realized that almost half of them were missionary kids: Karis Shelton (sophomore social work major), Rafael Tobler (senior psychology major), Johnna Wafler (senior social work major) and Kathryn Pinkston (senior communications studies major). These four friends have totally different stories from mine because of their extensive overseas experiences, yet there they sat, playing games, listening to music and eating with me, someone who had only lived in one house in a rural area of Tennessee until college.
Their transitions to living in America were all different, taking place at different points in life and coming from different places, but there is an overarching sense of comradery despite their own differences. There are shared experiences that help them to understand each other and provide a space to talk about their move. Here are some observations they had about their moves to America:
1. The pace of life in America is a complete change for many MKs.
“I always say is that Uganda is very much people focused, and America is very time focused,” Shelton said. “Everybody is always late to everything.”
Shelton and Wafler both spent formative years in Uganda, a nation that is much more people-focused than America. In Uganda, people always take precedence over a task, even if it means you are several hours late to a scheduled meeting.
“On Ugandan time, you might tell them to meet at 3:15, but they might show up at 7:15, and that’s culturally acceptable,” Wafler said. “It might be because they met someone on the way or realized they had to go shopping, or their grandmother needed something. So that’s definitely a big transition.”
Unfortunately, we all tend to get caught in a hamster wheel of work, bills and straining commitments that actually mean little to us but may look good on paper. While the people-focused orientation of Uganda has its own drawbacks and struggles, this fast pace of life seems to be one of the biggest adjustments that international students often must make.
2. They miss the food of their previous countries.
As someone who loves sharing food with others and trying new foods, even little me from rural Tennessee can relate to this one. Wafler, Shelton and Pinkston all long for the fresh fruit of Uganda and Malta.
“I miss the fresh food,” Shelton said. “Here, there’s all this added stuff and everything. I mean, it tastes better for sure, but it doesn’t feel good.”
Tobler, though he didn’t mention specific foods, agrees that he misses the spices he grew to love during his pre-teen and teenage years in China. Some foods, thankfully, are easy to make here, like brigadeiros, a dessert he had during his childhood in Brazil.
One plus-side to America, however, is the availability of food in general, even if MKs cannot get exactly what they want. Tobler said that one good stereotype he heard in China about America is that we have plenty of food. There is no shortage of food, which feeds the stereotype that all Americans are fat, so there is a good and bad side to that stereotype.
3. They were trained to leave well, and that helped them to begin again.
For many MKs, this transition to a different nation was highly anticipated and prepared for. Oftentimes, MKs will go to a boarding school for high school to prepare them for the shift.
“It was very much a big change, but I feel like I was able to transition well and start well because I had ended so well,” Shelton said. “So, I did a really good job of saying goodbye to places and people. It’s kind of the same as your leaving home to go to college, but different because, you know, it’s farther away and a different culture.”
At her boarding school, Shelton said that she went through classes and seminars about American culture, where they talked about priorities, food and forming relationships. They showed graphs about how slowly Americans tend to make friendships and how individualist we are compared to the countries they grew up in.
“MKs are typically really good at getting really deep really fast…You’re just best friends right then,” Shelton said. “Here, it’s a lot slower because it takes a lot more time for people to become comfortable talking about deep things. In order to become actual friends, you have to see them a couple of times here.”
Because Shelton was prepared for this, she intentionally made a lot of connections quickly so could start going on these friendship dates and have meaningful relationships sooner. Since she only knew Wafler when she began at Union (and she was not sure she would be here until she arrived), she knew she needed to make connections quickly. Pinkston, Tobler and Wafler also did not know anyone upon their moves, but they also quickly made friends.
4. Countries missionaries go to are not completely unlike America.
Wafler and Shelton, who both served in Africa, hear a lot of incorrect assumptions about Africa, like people calling it a country, asking if they ride elephants to school and thinking there are no cities and electricity.
“If you only watch Nat Geo documentaries, then of course you’re going to think that I rode an elephant to school,” Wafler said.
All four MKs agreed that there were similarities between the countries, even if they weren’t obvious at first. Tobler said that America and China are both very business focused; Pinkston recalled the catholic bell tower on Malta and said there are a lot of things that are the same but ever so slightly different. Wafler said that God guides her family no matter where they are. Shelton said that there are kind people she loves talking to in both places despite their very different stories.
“To some degree, people are people,” Wafler said. “Obviously, culture really impacts individuals and the way you think and behave and that kind of thing, but, ultimately, people are people. There’s sin here and there. It just manifests itself differently. There’s a strong body of Christ here just like there is there.”
While there is much more these MKs could say about their transitions to America, one thing we will be glad to know is that Union made it easier. Coming to a Christian place with loving people who are seeking to glorify God made all the difference in their moves. Everyone from tour guides to the international department made Union feel like home before they even made their official decisions.
“There are amazing people here who want to build relationships with you and who are striving to be God’s servants and to glorify God in everything they do,” Shelton said. “God has really humbled me, meeting so many amazing people who have all sorts of different stories, reminding me that they are all beautiful and that God can use all of them for his good.”
