It is hard for me to picture Christmas any differently. I always look forward to doing the same things year after year—decorating the Christmas tree after Thanksgiving Day, putting up the lights on the house and bushes, having family over on Christmas morning for brunch and opening presents. I am set in tradition, and I don’t think I would handle change very well.
How much harder would it be if I celebrated Christmas with someone who had very different traditions? Talking with Georg and Betsy Pingen gave me some perspective on that matter and helped me realize that, though it may be difficult, compromise can bring joy.
Georg Pingen teaches at Union University as an engineering professor, while his wife, Betsy, teaches the German language classes. Originally from Germany, Georg came to the States as a high school exchange student at Jackson Christian School for his senior year. He met Betsy for the first time in their physics class, and they eventually started dating by December.
“We met by her talking me into helping her put Christmas lights up on her roof, which is something we don’t do in Germany. That was kind of our first date,” Georg said.
Georg was also struck by the difference in church culture. Being raised culturally Catholic, Georg was used to going to church only a few times a year. At Union, he was suddenly exposed to students visiting church multiple times in a week, in addition to Bible classes and chapel.
“It’s [Catholicism] a very kind of a cold experience. Because it’s big old stone buildings and mostly older people,” Georg said. “And so that was something that was definitely a big change for me coming here and thinking ‘Wow! Kids actually want to go to church?’”
And there were more cultural differences to come.
Approaching high school graduation, Betsy and Georg had to convince Georg’s parents to allow him to stay in the U.S. for college. It was something that his parents had not planned for and needed to think about since college in Germany is free. In the end, they relented, and Georg and Betsy went to Samford University together.
Once married and beginning a family, the Pingens approached the problem of how they wanted to celebrate the holidays. Betsy described how they had to decide on which day they wanted to have the main celebration for Christmas. For her family, opening presents happened on Christmas morning, while Georg’s family always did it on Christmas Eve. Betsy chose to have Christmas morning for the celebration as part of a compromise.
“He was always pretty good, he let me pick,” Betsy recalled. “But he did always sway us into having a real Christmas tree. His parents put real candles on theirs. . . . We don’t do that!” Georg and Betsy said in unison.
With some German traditions probably best left alone, Betsy enjoyed picking out certain others to integrate into their own family’s celebration. One favorite German tradition is the celebration of Nikolaustag (St. Nicholas Day) on December 6. Similar to the American Santa Claus, someone dresses as Nikolaus and comes into the house to ask children if they have been good or not. Good kids are rewarded with candy while troublemakers are taken away in a sack.
“Our kids have always gotten candy so far. That remains to be seen,” Betsy laughed.
One downside to living with different cultures is not being able to visit family as often as desired. The Pingens and their three sons try to talk with their extended family in Germany over the phone once a week, as well as visit Germany every three years.
Georg and Betsy’s three sons have grown up being able to speak both English and some German. When the older two, Jake and Jonah, were born both Georg and Betsy tried to be intentional in speaking German around them. For Jake and Jonah, it came easier, but for the youngest, John Luke, it was a bit different.
“We were more intentional when they were little,” Georg said. “We watched a lot of German movies and had some German children’s books. But then with the third one, the other two were old enough that they had friends around, and so we were a lot less intentional. And the third one was always more resistant to it. He was always like, ‘Everyone here knows English, so why should I learn to speak German?’”
A difficult time for their sons was when the whole family took a six-month sabbatical to live in Germany in 2018.
“They actually went to school there,” Betsy said as she talked about her sons’ experiences. “We just like dropped them off in the sixth grade, fourth grade, and then kindergarten and we were like, ‘Good luck!’ That was challenging for them but also, I think it helps them now where if they walk into a new situation, they’re like ‘Well, at least we all speak the same language!’”
Even though they have been together for over 20 years, there are still moments when the Pingens are surprised by their different cultures.
“There are always things that come up again and again. Even though we’ve been together since 1998, and you think that you kind of already know all those kinds of things. Still there are things that come up in life and you think, ‘Oh! I wasn’t ready for that,'” Betsy said.
One example is transportation—they soon will need to think about getting a car for their oldest son. It is the norm in American culture to find your child a car when they turn 16, but in Germany, there is public transportation, so there is not as much of an urgency to get a car.
As professors at Union, Georg and Betsy try to integrate and introduce German culture to their students. Some ways they do this are inviting German exchange students at Union for dinner at their house, making German food for Be Our Guest and having students over for crepes. Betsy also enjoys implementing German culture into her German language classes so that her students can have a glimpse of what life is like outside their American perspective and what it is like living with someone from another culture.
“I hope to be able to bring some of those cultural awareness and experiences so they can better understand what the world around them is like,” said Betsy. “Everything is not just like it is here in the United States and Jackson, Tenn.”
