“Whenever I was eight, my mom took me into the ER for a stomach problem that I was having for a while. We just didn’t know what was going on. We did some scans, and then they found out that I had a tumor.”
At eight years old, sophomore Aryanna Highfill’s battle with cancer began not only in the hospital room but also in the mirror. As her beloved long hair began to fall out due to chemotherapy and radiation, it was not just her appearance that was changing – how she saw herself began to change, too. What followed was a journey of redefining her beliefs of beauty, faith and identity.
At the time, her long hair was a source of pride and identity, as she often received compliments on it from people in her life. Thinking back to what I remember about being 8 years old, I remember feeling similarly about my hair. At that age, you are too young to fully understand bigger concepts such as sickness and medication effects, but just old enough to start feeling and noticing the emotional effects of them. This is something that rang true for Highfill.
“I thought my hair was my best asset,” she admitted. “And I thought, I didn’t know what cancer was … but the only thing that was honestly super visceral to me was the fact that I was about to lose all of my hair.”
This loss forced her to face difficult questions about vanity and self-worth for the first time, and this confrontation led to a change in how she viewed beauty.
“It taught me so much about vanity … I did associate my worth with those things,” Highfill said.
During this battle with cancer, Highfill found comfort in a compassionate nurse named Mrs. Kendall.
“She would come in and wash my hair while it was falling out and braid it for me,” Highfill said. “She just gave me little makeovers and pampered me every time she saw me … it was such a comfort to me in so many ways.”
Reflecting on the comfort and inspiration she received from Mrs. Kendall’s kindness and intentionality, she has embarked on a journey to help others who are in the same position that she was once in as a cancer patient. Highfill reflected on the times she has knocked on doors and given makeovers to any young girl that would agree to one and claimed that it has taught her many things already. This contentment in her current way of doing things has not kept her from dreaming big. Highfill dreams of turning this passion into starting a nonprofit organization that would allow her to provide medically-sensitive makeovers to patients.
“I want to be able to give this to other little girls, too,” Highfill said.
Highfill’s vision extends beyond simply makeovers. In addition to this, she desires to educate young patients about beauty from a biblical perspective.
“I feel like there’s this paradox in today’s culture about vanity,” Highfill said. “On one hand, there are certain beauty standards that are arbitrary and people are expected to meet them, but they’re unrealistic. But then on the other hand, you have this culture that’s telling you that you can’t be dissatisfied with how you look because that makes you shallow or it means you don’t love yourself enough.”
She hopes to make space for conversations around these difficult questions and to validate the real and raw emotions of each patient’s unique emotions as they go through these very tough treatments — whether they desire the confidence that comes along with a brand new wig and a fresh makeover, or to rock their bald head and bare face with pride.
She shared that this message is one that she hopes to communicate to girls who have to face these hard questions regarding vanity and self-worth. She reflected on her own specific thoughts and struggles as well.
“Having to face these questions at such a formative time in their life, and then feeling guilty about if they want to wear a wig or if they want to get all pretty sometimes. Like, ‘Oh no, but I’m supposed to be this empowering figure of a chemo girl. She’s strong.’ And that’s just so hard,” Highfill said. “And I always was very averse to that. It just made me really uncomfortable. I felt like that’s how I had to present myself.”
She explains that this is not a struggle confined only to cancer patients, but something that affects many others as well.
Once she was done speaking, I took a moment to reflect on my own life. Both of my grandmothers were diagnosed with breast cancer years ago, and I thought about that time of my life and how valuable this information would have been to me then. I truly believed that both of these women in my life were so beautiful – through hair loss, lack of energy and skin sensitivities – but would being mindful in this way have changed how I encouraged them? Would I have chosen different words or validated their struggles more without simply a “No, you are still so beautiful,” and did that ever make them feel dismissed?
“I have never thought about it this way,” I confessed.
As we continued to talk, Highfill shared that through her nonprofit she has hopes of developing a beauty line made specifically for cancer patients, keeping in mind the unique skin sensitivities that come along with going through things such as chemotherapy and radiation. Highfill told me about her own experience with developed skin sensitivity, and that chemotherapy was the cause of that. She explained that things such as gluing lashes on require extreme care, and can sometimes simply be impossible with the products that are currently on the market.
Highfill is already laying the groundwork for this dream as she studies Public Relations and takes classes that aid in her preparations to make it a reality someday. Her bold approach to the execution of her dreams has already earned the support of sponsors at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital, where she received treatment during her battle with cancer. She described this support from her beloved hospital as being “providential from God.”
While her plans and dreams are in their early stages, Highfill is expectant of what is to come.
“Something as simple as making someone feel a little bit more comfortable and beautiful makes a big difference. It gives them hope,” Highfill said, her eyes lighting up with passion. “I want to be that for other kids — just like Mrs. Kendall was for me.”
