This past Wednesday, I had the honor of attending Cousin Dinner. You might have seen them if you’ve ever been in Union University’s dining hall on a Wednesday night at 5:30, taking up an entire high-top table all to themselves. The family in question is the Pettigrew/Thomas clan, eight cousins all together ranging from seniors to freshmen. Cousin Dinner is a weekly tradition for them now, a time for bonding and reconnection after a long week to see how each member is doing and what’s been going on in their lives.
I have to admit I was deeply honored to be allowed to sit with what I at least consider to be Union royalty, eight tight-knit family members whose grandparents’ parents went to school here. The idea of a weekly, intentional sit-down dinner as a family struck a deep emotional cord within me, and I wanted to know more about the inception of Cousin Dinner and what it meant to those in it.
Before we got to that, however, I was treated to a graph of their full family tree and given an explanation of who was siblings with who and whose parents married which sister or brother, like they had given it a hundred times before. It was very succinct and well-rehearsed, but I must admit I got a little lost in the weeds.
Abby Thomas, a junior art major from Knoxville TN, claims responsibility for Cousin Dinner’s creation, though this was contested.
“My parents are obsessed with the show Blue Bloods, and every Sunday in that show [the characters] have dinner together,” Thomas said. “Before college, I said that no matter what happens we have to have dinner together at least once a week.”
It took a while to really cement it as a weekly tradition, and it wasn’t until the arrival of three more cousins in the incoming class that it really took off. As we conversed and ate, I wanted to hear about how they felt about the importance of Cousin Dinner and family in general.
“I just love every cousin dinner,” Ruthie Pettigrew, sophomore applied linguistics major from Jackson, TN, said. “Whenever something big happens I can’t wait to tell everybody. Or if I’ve had a hard week: it’s like a breath of fresh air. All of us are in so many different things and areas — it’s the only time I get to see everyone and hear about their week. It’s really sweet. A lot of people aren’t close to their cousins and we are. It’s like getting to hang out with your closest friends once a week.”
That seemed to be a general theme across the board, and it’s true. Each of them are in such different walks of college representing nearly everything Union has to offer: from Greek Life to Life Groups, to the Jaxx and Jillz, to even the Student Body President — currently Lili Pettigrew, a junior English major from Virginia.
“We’re all friends and a big group but we all got our own thing. It’s definitely something unique that not everyone else has. And some families might rely on their siblings for social support but that’s not the case at all.” Calvin Pettigrew, brother of Ruthie and a senior exercise science major, said.
While they may not necessarily need each other instead of a friend group, they always have each other’s backs and have faced trials together as a family. Lili Pettigrew shared with me about one circumstance when a situation arose while they were having dinner, and they all took that time to pray together as a family.
“It’s become like both a big friend group but also this kind of internal support group because I know I can mess up and it’s not this super high-pressure point group,” Lili said. “We can just come and laugh, but if we also need each other we’re there. And it’s really cool that significant others have access to that support group as well.”
I asked Caitlyn Ward, a senior sociology major from Nolensville, TN and fiancée to Calvin Pettigrew, how she felt being invited to Cousin Dinner.
“I feel really lucky — like I got into a little group that like no one else can,” Ward said. “Also, when you get married your in-laws are going to be in your life forever. It’s great and I’m friends with everybody for the rest of my life now, and Ruthie’s my maid of honor and everything.”
“I love it because I’m friends with them all individually in different areas. And it’s really sweet to come together and see everybody here and see how much they love each other and support each other. It’s a really sweet view of family,” Emma Coykendall, a junior public relations major from Knoxville, TN dating Nate Thomas, said.
I couldn’t agree more with Coykendall. As I sat there talking with the Pettigrew/Thomas family nibbling away at my saucy chicken wings, I let the swarm of familial chatter and laughter envelop me. I didn’t have to keep asking them questions about why it was important or the deeper meaning behind it. They were showing me. I saw a family that truly loved one another and sacrificed this time during the week because they truly cared. They took me under their fold and allowed me to be a family member for a night, treating me as one of their own. It made me more appreciative of my family, as well as miss them terribly. It made me think of the day when we will all be together with our brothers and sisters at the table for all eternity. I saw a glimpse of Heaven at Cousin Dinner and I am grateful.
